My Gorgeous Boy's First Holiday

We've just come home from our first holiday as a family. We went to Centerparcs in Nottinghamshire. We had a lovely time! We went swimming, played pool, tenpin bowling, DH did Laser Clay Shooting, and we had lots of lovely walks. I was really pleased, as when I came home, I actually weighed 1 pound less than when I left!

Dreading our upcoming move. We just don't have enough money to afford boxes, moving van etc etc, so it's going to be tight. We have to get a van because of big things like the fridge freezer, washing machine and desk. There's no way they'd fit in the car. I'm hoping that we can manage to get most of it done in one day, even though we've actually got the weekend.

With any luck, it should go quite smoothly, and then we can get settled in our new home. Fingers crossed!

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I've just cut my DSs hair for the first time. He looks so grown up with shorter hair, I feel like I've lost my little baby.

I must admit, he does look very smart, I just miss his curly locks.

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Edinburgh Test

Pretty much every mum will know what I mean by the Edinburgh Test. It's a set of questions designed to work out if you may have post-natal depression. When I first had DS, my score was very high (indicative of PND) but I argued that I was a brand new mum, and most of the questions, about are you panicking, do you feel you're not coping are silly to ask 5 days after you've given birth!

However, I have suffered from depression before, so I know how it feels, and recently, I have been getting those same feelings again. I feel the worlds against me, DH doesn't love me (and now, that DS doesn't either) that I'm fat and ugly, that nothing's worth getting up for, very tired and lethargic, and just pretty down in the mouth. The only difference is, we have had a very traumatic few months, so perhaps I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion. First of all, DH's account was fraudulently accessed, and he lost £1000, then we found out our Landlord was selling our house, so we had to move, meaning having to find another £900 just when we're already £1000 down! It has been extremely stressful, so maybe now DH has his money back, and once the move is over, I will settle down again. I have been trying to get out a bit more, but when you're already feeling down in the dumps, it's difficult to have the presence of mind to get everything together you need for a trip out! And not having access to a car limits what you can do anyway.

Well, with any luck, we'll have a really nice weekend (my sister's coming to see us tomorrow, haven't seen her since Jan) and sunday is Mother's Day (UK) and then we're off on holiday for 5 days.

Hope things start to pick up soon... I'm exhausted!

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My funny little man

Just found this pic of DS, thought it was a nice pic without seeing his face.

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Busy Busy Busy

Had a right old week!

We're moving house soon, so this seems to be our focus at the moment. On top of this, DS has been a bit of a nightmare this week, but he seems much better today. Occasionally, his separation anxiety gets the better of him, and he just can't bare for me to be anywhere but right by his side. It's exhausting! It's funny how people don't tell you about these things before you have a baby! Some say they don't grow out of it until they're 18 months either, so we could have another 6 months of this!

I'm looking forward to DS's 1st birthday. Everyone's coming to the party, so it will be lovely to see them all. It's amazing to think he's been here nearly a year! In some ways it feels like he's always been here, but in other ways, it's flown by so quickly, I can't believe it's an entire year!

Well, it's almost time for his dinner, then his nap, so I'm going to treat myself to a lovely hot bath while he's sleeping.

Will post again soon.

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Partners!

Well, last night DH apologised for how he's been lately. I explained all about why I feel the way I do, and now I think he understands a bit more about why I'm so down at the moment. It's such a difficult situation. I'm so frightened of losing him, yet I can't continue the way we are. Having children often does put a strain on your relationship, and it's just our turn to have to work at this for a while.

Oh well, I'm looking forward to our holiday next week. It should be good fun. I'm not going to do anything really, just relax and have a good time.

Catch up again tomorrow.

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Mother's Days don't Matter :'o(

My DH and I have just been having a discussion about next Sunday, with it being Mother's Day and all. It's my very first. I just missed out last year, with DS being born just 9 days afterwards, so I really been looking forward to it.

However, DH has other ideas. He wants to go and visit his family, which we've done EVERY Mother's Day since we've lived near them (about 5 years). Why does it have to be about HIS Mum, this year? He just doesn't understand why this is important to me, he says it's just another day, and I'm being stupid. All I wanted was just him, DS and me together for a whole day.

But apparently I'm selfish. He wants to see his family, which BTW we're about to spend 5 days holiday with starting next Monday! Why do we have to see them that day too?

Why doesn't he understand me?

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